A letter of condolence tells someone who has lost a loved one that you are thinking of them. Write it by hand, in a warm and personal tone: say how sorry you are, use the name of the person who died, share a fond memory, and offer your help.
Losing someone close is one of the hardest things a person can go through. At times like these, people need the support of their friends and family, and a personal note of sympathy means a lot. A letter, an email, or a short note that expresses your feelings and your respect can go a long way toward comforting them. Here are some tips on writing a letter of condolence.
Why write a letter?
When a friend or colleague loses someone in their family, many people choose to send a sympathy card. It can feel easier. However, a personal tone is the best way to go. It can take courage to write a letter, but it is the wiser choice. For anyone who has lost a loved one, a handwritten letter means a great deal: it shows that you took the time to sit down and write to them yourself. That has a greater impact than any printed greeting card.
A personal letter also lets you say more. You can bring up a special memory or an event that you shared with the person who died. You can also offer your support and help in the difficult weeks and months ahead. Like a love letter, a condolence letter works because it is in your own words.
How to structure a condolence letter
Unlike a formal letter, such as a motivational letter for a job application, a condolence letter needs no fixed format. What it needs most is the right tone: sympathetic and personal.
- Express your sorrow. Begin by telling the recipient how sorry you are for their loss.
- Use the name of the person who died. This makes the letter personal and shows your true feelings. Some people hesitate to do this because it is hard. Yet there is no denying that someone has died: the recipient knows it, and so do you. Using the name helps the bereaved far more than avoiding it.
- Share a fond memory. Mention a memory or an experience that you had with that person. If you do not have one, say how much the person meant to the recipient.
- Offer your help. Say what you can do, and mean it.
- Close warmly. End with a few kind words and your name.
Do not send a letter that is printed from a computer or typed, because that takes away much of its personal touch. If you find it easier to write on a computer, write your draft there. When you are happy with it, copy it out by hand.
An example of a condolence letter
Adapt this example to your own words and your own relationship with the family. Replace the parts in square brackets.
Dear [name],
There are no words to tell you how deeply sorry I am to hear about [name]'s passing. I am shocked and deeply saddened. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
I will always remember the wonderful times [name] and I had during [a shared memory]. I cannot begin to imagine how devastated you must feel.
If you would like, I can come by and help you in any way I can. If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to call me.
Once again, my thoughts are with you. With love,
[your name]
If you write on behalf of your whole family, use we instead of I.
Other things to keep in mind
In an age of email and text messages, the personal touch is often lost. This is why a personal, handwritten note or letter matters so much. Use your own voice and your real feelings: this makes the letter sound sincere, and in times like these, sincerity is exactly what the bereaved need.
Finally, send or deliver your letter as soon as you can. If you wait too long and it arrives late, your message can lose much of its meaning. For more ideas on what to say, read how to write condolences.
If you write your draft on a computer, the Spell Checker can catch typos in it before you copy it onto good paper.