To write condolences, keep the message short and sincere: a simple line such as "I'm sorry for your loss" is enough. Offer specific help instead of an open-ended promise, and think about sending another note on the anniversary of the death.
When a friend, colleague, or client loses a loved one, you may want to write a condolence message to comfort the family and show that you care. But how do you write one that truly connects with the person who reads it?
Simple words are often the best
Getting your feelings across in writing can be a challenge. Whether you write a card or an email, the words may not seem to express what you have in mind.
Don't search too hard for the perfect words. Often the simplest way is the best way to express sympathy. Here are some examples:
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- Holding you close in our thoughts.
- Wishing you moments of comfort and peace in this difficult time.
- Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
- May she rest in peace.
- We are deeply saddened by the news of your loss.
- Please accept our heartfelt condolences.
Is a short message enough?
Yes. A condolence message is about reaching out to someone to show that you care, and even a small gesture strengthens the bond between people. A short message does not mean that you don't care enough to write a long one. In fact, people who are grieving have neither the time nor the energy to read a long, essay-like message.
Keeping a sympathy message short is the best approach. After all, you are probably not the only one sending condolences.
If you feel you have to add more, read the message aloud when you are done. If it takes longer than about 15 seconds, cut a few sentences.
Offer real help
Avoid open-ended offers of help like this one:
"If there's anything I can do to help, do not hesitate to call me."
An offer like this is often seen as an empty promise. People who are grieving may feel that they would be a burden if they called and asked for help. So instead of telling them to call you if they need anything, promise something concrete: that you will call regularly to check on them, or that you will help with the groceries.
That said, don't overdo it. A call or a text once a day is enough. Don't call every hour and expect an answer every time. The grieving family needs some quiet time.
Go above and beyond
Set a reminder in your calendar for the anniversary of the death, so that you remember to send a follow-up message. Some wounds take a long time to heal. A comforting note a year later shows that you are still there if they need help.
Here is an example of a condolence message for the loss of a child, sent a year later:
Dear Tony,
At this time of year, I remember the passing of your son, Peter. I have been thinking about what a brave boy he was and how much you must miss him.
Please know that I am with you during this difficult time.
With warm wishes,
T. H. Anos
Keep it simple and sincere
The act of sending a message already tells the recipient that you care, so there is no need to go overboard. Keep things simple and sincere. If you want to write a longer, more personal letter, these tips for a letter of condolence help you structure it.
A typo can spoil the mood of a carefully chosen message. Read it once more before you send it, or run it through the Spell Checker to catch misspelled words.