Internal monologue, the thoughts of a character that only the reader hears, gets readers involved with your characters, but too much of it slows the story down. Use it at the right moments, show feelings instead of naming them, turn it into dialogue when you can, hold some thoughts back, and keep it in balance with action.
Even skilled writers struggle with certain things when they write stories or novels or develop their characters. The reasons differ from story to story and from one piece of writing to the next, and besides spelling and grammar, the problems often lie in content or style. For ideas about content, read where to find ideas to write about or these tips for improving your writing. This article helps you avoid some common mistakes with one particular element of style: internal monologue.
The problem with internal monologue
Internal monologue can be very important to get readers involved with your characters. It sets the mood your character is in and makes their mindset clear, without the other characters in the book knowing what your protagonist is thinking.
Unfortunately, internal monologue is also one of the most misused and overused elements in storytelling. Cardinal mistakes like endless rambling and interrupting the action take away the speed and flow of a story. Worse, they take away the reader's wish to continue with a story that is put on hold too often while a character thinks.
On the other hand, leaving out internal monologue removes important layers from a story and makes it harder for the reader to feel for your character. And readers want to feel with or for your character: why else would they keep reading?
What you need is a good balance between internal monologue, events, and dialogue, and the right moments to use internal monologue as a way to move the story forward.
1. Choose the right time for internal monologue
Opening with internal monologue tells your readers about your character's mindset and opinions right away, but it is not a good start for a story. You want your readers to get hooked and drawn into the events at once, so start with a juicy slice of action. When your readers are hooked, you can explain your character's role in all this and why they act the way they do.
When you are about to reach the climax, do not interrupt the scene to explain a character's relationship to the antagonist or how your protagonist learned to fight. When it is time for action, your readers want action, so make sure that they have the necessary information before that point.
2. Paint a mental picture
Don't just state what your character feels. Add distinct details that paint a mental picture for your readers. Sometimes a simple "He's angry" has to do, but showing a feeling brings it across much better than naming it: "His fists clenched as his heart began to race, anger flooding his body as he got ready to strike."
An interesting way to do this is to act out a key memory, such as a scene from your character's childhood or the first meeting with their love interest, as a scene of its own. You can even switch from the third person to the first person for it, so that the reader gets to know your character from the inside. (For the difference between the two, see first, second, and third person point of view.)
3. Know when to avoid internal monologue
Internal monologue can reveal a lot about your character, but it is often more exciting for the reader when your character reveals it to someone else. Where you can, replace internal monologue with real dialogue, which adds another layer to the interaction between your characters. The reactions of the second character add to what is revealed. Tips for writing dialogue helps you make that conversation sound natural.
Make sure, though, that your characters do not talk about what they both know already. The information shared should be new to the other character too.
4. Don't reveal everything
Keep some of your character's thoughts and feelings secret. If you give out only necessary and important pieces of information, your readers stay intrigued, want to know more, and enjoy every little reveal. You don't have to pack the character's whole childhood, beliefs, or feelings for another character into one block of internal monologue. Place information like bait: give the reader what they need to know, but leave them wanting more.
5. Find the perfect balance
Internal monologue can add to a story and engage your audience with the protagonist, but what readers really want is action and dialogue. When you have finished a draft, look through it for pages full of text with hardly a break. They are hard to read, and they often contain rambling that you can cut.
As a rule of thumb, use internal monologue for information that the reader needs but that the other characters already know, or that has to stay a secret from them. Then dialogue cannot deliver it. Internal monologue should add to your dialogue and action scenes, not replace them.
Keep these 5 tips in mind, and your internal monologue, and with it your stories, will improve a lot. Also watch how your favorite authors handle it: look at the internal monologue in the books you like to read, and find out what works and what doesn't.